You Too Can Work At Our Shop

Maybe my standards are too high. This week, I’ll take anyone who’s breathing and not a plagiarist. Some moron sent me his resume last week and it came with a stellar cover letter. I wonder from what book/website he lifted this. Here’s the first sentence:

“Today’s marketing professionals are integral strategists in the profitable resolve of complex entities. If you are in need of a multi-talented coordinator, with a cross-functional background as in advertising, marketing and communications with excellent communication skills…we should talk.”

This guy should be blacklisted from advertising, even if by the slimmest chance he wrote this himself. What a bunch of bullshit. He’ll fit right in.

Anonymity Is Priceless

Agency Spy asks why some advertising bloggers are anonymous, including me. Daily Biz pretty much sums it up (although I don’t have a handsome AE on which I have a crush), although I have a couple to add:

• I’d most definitely be fired. Immediately. You can’t really cut and paste internal emails on the internet and have your boss be okay with that.
• Some of my clients may not be cool with me calling them idiots. Some would, but they’re idiots.
• My co-workers would turn against me and make my life miserable. Not much change from the present though.
• And contrary to popular belief, I really like my company. If I were out of the closet, they probably wouldn’t really like me.
• I wouldn’t get to stay at The Viceroy every 3 weeks on the company dime. That’s reason enough.
• Could I wax poetic about interactive agencies without my opinions being associated with my shop? No. Do I wax poetic now? No. But I might.

Interviewing Gone Wrong

I just interviewed a guy for a project manager position. Asked him a couple of the traditional interview questions along with some interactive knowledge ones. The traditional ones tripped him up.

Me: Tell me some of your strengths.
Candidate: I’m a great project manager and a marketing visionary. I see trends on the horizon and invariably they happen a year or two later. I have a knack for predicting the future of advertising and marketing.
Me: Really. Have you ever thought of opening your own consulting agency…cough…fortune telling business…cough? Starting a site called iseetrends.com?
Candidate: I thought of that already, but I think it would be more trouble than it’s worth.
Me: So what are some of your weaknesses?
Candidate: …………….hmmm…….I can’t think of any.
Me: You don’t have anything on which you want to improve?
Candidate: Not any that come to mind.
Me: Well, it was nice to meet you.

Impressive Stuff

If you don’t love firstborn‘s (Los Angeles) site, you’re an idiot. Fabulous UX. But what’s really impressive is they have the balls to show their interactive work all the way back to 1997. Good on them.

But It’s A Great Place To Work

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I’m at the office this morning and so is our managing partner. He seems to be in a pretty good mood. I haven’t had a bonus in a few months, and in my fairly unstructured contract, I get bonuses whenever my team closes a large amount of new business or adds on existing. I closed a multi-million dollar project with an existing client a couple of weeks ago. So I saunter into his office with my cup of coffee and say, “Can we talk for a sec?” Why I think this sentence ever leads to anything good is beyond me. I actually said the same thing to a friend of mine earlier in the day, and that didn’t turn out as well as I thought, either. So obviously it makes total sense to say the same thing to someone else the next day. Here’s how the conversation with my boss went:

Me: So….remember we got that proposal signed after New Years?
Him: Of course. Good job.
Me: Ummm….so….bonus?
Him: I meant to talk to you people about that before Christmas. I think I’m going to restructure the bonus plans.
Me: But that wouldn’t affect this one, would it? That wouldn’t really be fair.
Him: Actually, yes. I’m trying to make our bottom line look as good as possible for the reporting this month. Sorry about that.
Me: You’re an ass.

I did say that last line. Probably not the best idea, but most things I say are not thought about first. Ugh. Luckily, he’s used to me and didn’t blink an eye. Now I need to step up the job search process (meaning actually start looking again). With how goddamn cold it is, I’m thinking one of those hot interactive shops in Brazil.

Someone’s A Little Cranky Today…

…and it’s not me for once. Email string between our ECD, ACD and our head accountant, Helen, basically regarding an advertising awards ceremony our agency is attending (read from bottom):

From: Will
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 10:55 AM
To: Grant; Helen; Alexandra
Subject: Re: We’re Finalists!

I need a form for my mask on a stick?

From: Helen
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 10:45 AM
To: Will; Grant; Alexandra
Subject: Re: We’re Finalists!

On 1/18/08 10:45 AM, “Helen” wrote:

Will, Turn in the proper form. You will find it in your mailbox.

Helen
Lead Accountant

From: Will
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 8:07 AM
To: Grant; Jennifer; Alexandra
Subject: Re: Addy Finalist News!

I will be making a cut out of my head and putting it on a stick. When a representative party from the agency goes up on stage to accept the Best in Show award, please bring it along. Thanks.

From: Grant
Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:46:07
To: Alexandra; Jennifer
Subject: We’re Finalists!

On 1/17/08 6:33 PM, “Grant” wrote:
I will be attending. Will is out of town, unfortunately. Also, we may want to invite some clients to attend from a few of the entries. We can discuss who later. – Grant

Like A Bunch of Monkeys…

….fucking a football. That’s what I think of certain departments in our agency sometimes. Ask them to do something and it’s a game of Who’s On First for a week.

Me: I need an hours estimate for XXX Beverage Company intranet.
Devs: They didn’t tell us the name of their first born children, so we can’t give you an answer.
Me: We know everything they know. At least give me a ballpark.
Devs: 800 hours.
Me: Seriously.
Devs: Unless we have full visibility into their back end, we can’t make an estimate.
Me: Sorry, not gonna happen.
Devs: We’re sorry too. Now go away. We’re creating a sex simulator for the DS.

Way Better Than Most Agency Sites

Sometimes I don’t get why some digital agencies have boring, corporate sites (read: ours). digit london‘s site is refreshing. And their work is not half bad either (read: really, really good).

Often, I Miss The Point

My favoritest ACD in the entire universe directed me to Form’s website (which I adore) – I especially love the “making of our homepage“. But what caught my attention was not the very nice design of the site, but the self-promo for their work on the book Sex: How To Do Everything. I’m going to pick one up as soon as it’s out. Always can use some pointers. I’m sure this will be the last time Seth ever sends me a link.

Welcome Back To Agency Hell

I’m not in the office today. I decided to work from home since there are a total of 5 people planning on being there anyway. However, one of the agencies that we work with has decided they need new graphics on the landing page of a client’s site by EOD. I laughed, then there were tears, then I told them to go to hell.

Me: Love to help, but it’s a little late notice guys. I think half the designers are drunk or stoned by now anyway.
Them: You’ve always helped us out of jams in the past. We don’t care if there’s a rush charge.
Me: That’s not the point. We need advance time to plan on staffing. Unless you want me to do it myself and in that case I take cash only. And it won’t look good.
Them: We’ll call our other agency.
Me: They’re closed today.
Them: Oh shit.

Another Agency Xmas Self-Promo

I like this one from the Feuer Agency in Munich. It’s not in English, but you’ll figure it out. I especially like Francois, Ulla and Volker, who’s got some serious moves. I’m back in the Christmas spirit now. Just don’t listen for too long or you’ll feel as if you’ve eaten too many mushrooms and are sitting in the hallway of a Pink Floyd laser light show with your head in your hands. If you want to see most all of the agency holiday promos out there, go here – BannerBlog’s got a slew of them.

(via Ads Of The World)

Happy Xmas (Work Is Over)

Work is over for some of us. Why my agency is open on Christmas Eve is beyond me. None of my clients are in their offices all week. I do need a papervision piece finished up this week, but I don’t really need to be there for that, do I? What else do I have to do though? My family has deserted me and my friend who I always spend some part of Christmas day with eating Chinese has now decided to surprise her boyfriend in Seattle. Whatever. I officially hate Christmas this year. But for those of you who don’t, here’s my happy and peaceful Christmas playlist for you. Enjoy. Now go spend time with your fucking families.