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Morning Conference Call With London

6 Jan

I’m sure my counterpart in the London office loves these status calls just as much as I do. Takes me 5 minutes just to get acclimated to his Manc accent and him to my non-descript American accent that ends every sentence with a question mark.

Drinks, Anyone?

17 Dec

I’ve been sitting in the same chair for 14 hours with the same 2 people sitting on either side of me…..ideating. I’m sure they’re tired of looking at me too, but I don’t think it’s quite the same. You know you’re tired when you tell your boss “that slide sucks..take it out. I can’t believe you even wrote that crap.”  Need alcohol now. Check out this Saatchi ad that was on FFFFOUND! for 42 Below vodka. I’m too tired to even think through the pictures, but it has something to do with drinking too much and cross dressing, so I automatically love it.

42 Below


Wait Until This Afternoon…

25 Oct

…for more posts. I’m in and out of some god-awful client meetings today.

Wound Too Tight

24 Oct

I just walked out of a meeting to go over a project pitch for one of our largest clients. The presentation was entirely too copy heavy, so I mentioned to the creator of the pitch to add more visual elements, less text. His response to me was:

“Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine. FINE! FINE FINE FINE! You add your fucking pretty pictures. I communicate using words.”


Monday Meetings At The Shop

15 Oct

Email from our SVP of Client Services on Sunday night:

The following is the agenda for the Monday morning meeting. Please keep in mind that the focus of the meeting tomorrow will be to maintain our momentum on our process and follow through. When it is your time to provide an update to the group, please keep your speaking points to a high level, as we’d like to conclude this meeting within the allotted 15 minutes.

  • Intro and setup – SVP Client Services
  • Office News – Managing Director
  • Latest creative updates – ECD
  • New Business – Biz Dev VP
  • Account Status – Group Account Directors
  • Media – Media Director
  • Technology – IT Director
  • Process Update – Project Manager Lead
  • Strategy Process – Strategic Director

HAHAHAHAHAH. 15 minutes? I’ll give up shoe shopping for a month if this meeting gets done in 15 minutes. Give me an effin break. Everyone’s ego is so huge on that list (everyone’s except mine of course), that they have to hear themselves talk for at least 10 minutes to feel good about themselves.

UPDATE: Total time, 1 hour 34 minutes.

All Staff Meetings And Me

10 Oct

For the past hour and a half, I’ve been in a whole-agency meeting about process and QA. One slide in the Powerpoint (who needs a Powerpoint to have a meeting? Our strategy folks, that’s who.) was called “Process and You”. I felt like I was reading a sex ed book. Luckily, I brought my laptop into the meeting and both caught up on my email and had several conversations via IM. I did manage to write down a few notes during the meeting:

“I need to call the salon and make sure my waxing appointment is buttoned up. From my POV and ideation, if I miss it, there’s no way I’ll be wearing that new lingerie I just bought anytime soon. Stakeholders and linear models be damned.”

I Gave You My Heart But You Wanted My Soul

25 Sep

We responded when you said you wanted us on site more often to work with your in-house team. We came to your home for dinner and met your bizarre wife and evil children. One account manager has turned into your servile sycophant. We even donated to your favorite charity.  I’m okay with all that. Well, I was okay, until this morning. One of my ae’s on the account couldn’t make a status meeting at the client’s office and calls me to fill in. I call the client and let him know I’m on my way.  He asks me to pick up coffee and, I’m not joking, his dry cleaning. “It’s right next door to Starbucks! Please?” Come on. Too bad they were closed. I mean, I think they were. It was hard to tell while I was driving past.