You know when you drink excessively at an incredibly boring Sunday night party and then take a sleeping pill (or 2 – you have a big meeting in the morning!), you pass out in approximately 2.3 minutes but then wake up at 4 am with the mother of all headaches and a tongue that feels like a marmoset with your clothes still on and two mascara rings on your pillow? No? Me either.
There’s a girl in our shop who just got back from a client visit in Miami. She’s never traveled for work apparently because all she can do this morning is talk about taking her client out to dinner (probably to Red Lobster) and the hotel in which she stayed (the ultra-luxe Courtyard). Now I hear her down the hall telling everyone about the turbulent flight she had this morning. I don’t think it was turbulent. I think the person next to her probably made her uncomfortable by requesting a seat change because a) she told them her entire life story before take off and b) her extra voluptuous ass spilled over onto their seat while she explained, “I’m big boned.”
Thoroughly frustrated with one of my clients today. Big client. Big, big, big client. I dare say that if you stopped a Torghut on his way across the Ala-shan plateau in the Gobi desert and asked him if he was familiar with this company, he would be. Then he would kill you and he and his falcon would have a nice dinner. I digress. Had a meeting with one of the mindless middle managers to discuss a YouTube ad we’d be doing for her group within this company.
Me: And that’s our concept for the ad. We’ll have to start production next week to meet the April run date.
Mindless Middle Manager: YouTube? Isn’t that where kids watch pornography on the internets?
Me: Ummm..well…actually the demographics are a little different. Your competitors have been using YouTube for over a year to reach your customers and are experiencing high interaction rates. Whether or not you personally like YouTube, it stands to reason XXX Corporation needs to have a presence there. Besides, it’s not a stand-alone initiative. It’s part of a larger campaign.
MMM: I honestly think all this video on the web is a passing fancy. No one in my circle watches video on our computers. It’s a kid thing. So we’re going to pass. I’m going to divert the funds to direct mail.
Me: Direct mail? So the campaign will have TV, a microsite, banner ads, event marketing and postcards? Your media team already booked the space, too.
MMM: It’s proven. The internets are not proven.
Me: I’m not going to argue with you. This whole internet thing might end tomorrow. You’re right.
Seems I’m in non-stop client meetings until Monday afternoon. I’ll be posting later this evening and over the weekend. Wish me luck…one guy we’re meeting with wears silky mock turtlenecks under Chess King-like button down shirts with chunky bracelets on both wrists. It’s like a car wreck. Hard for me to talk about widgets when I’m mesmerized by his beauty.
..and I keep getting interrupted. Our shop’s waiting to hear if we got a big e-commerce project from a financial institution. It’s huge revenue, 2-year minimum engagement. The client said they’d let us know last Thursday if we got the job. Then they said sometime this weekend. Now, it’s Tuesday. My boss is losing his mind with the waiting:
Sent: Sunday, January 27, 2008 12:20 PM
Subject: i am…
a fucking wreck.
Client called me ALL morning with questions about his invoice. Why he’s not calling the AE is a whole ‘nother ball of wax and completely irritating, but I digress. He asked us to line item all his invoices and then asks, “but what is AJAX Development?” It’s a fucking powdered cleanser for which we’re billing you $215 an hour. STFU. Anyway, I’m helpful as usual, even though while I’m on the phone I’m stabbing my Diet Coke can with a pen, and finally he sends me an email that simply says, “You’ve been very indulgent. Thanks. I’m sorry I’m such a pain.” Never get to hear that! Armageddon is coming. Hide.
Email from one of our accountants, who’s nearing 70:
“Just so we’re all on our best behavior – be aware that we’re going to have lots of new clients in sight today– So p’s and q’s people! By the way – wonderful job on keeping the kitchen clean lately! I’m very impressed!”
I wish that project manager hadn’t tried to introduce me to a new client a few minutes ago when I was opening my cabinet. The fact that it’s half filled with liquor bottles is probably not a good first impression.