Single White Female At It Again

28 Jan

SWF is killing me. She’s a junior AE for retail interactive on my team and has attached herself to me like a bad virus. Sweet girl, usually has an excellent work ethic. Totally irritating and parasitic. Thinks I hold the answers to all life’s quandaries. I do, but that’s another conversation. She went out of town this weekend to visit a guy she has a crush on. He invited her, but then told her he didn’t have enough money to pay for her ticket. So she bought a last minute flight and flew there anyway. He couldn’t pick her up at the airport because he doesn’t have a car. She had to take 2 trains to his house. Calls me at 3:30am crying. I didn’t answer (love my Ambien). Calls me at 4:15. Texts me 3 times at 4:17. Calls me at 9am. This time I answer. She got a concussion from falling down a flight of stairs drunk, the guy then screwed her in her stupor and then said he really didn’t feel a “spark” with her. But she still likes him. Weekend only got worse (for her…hilarious for me). Today, I have 2 expandable page takeovers that are due to the provider and she’s supposed to traffic them. But instead, she’s checked his Facebook page 20 times and is obsessively checking her phone for messages. I need to find a way to tell her to get her over-highlighted head out of her ass and do some fucking work without sending her into a tailspin. Her brother is also best friends with my boss, so it’s a little tricky. I can’t be too much of a bitch. And that’s hard.

SWF: Do you think he meant what he said?
SWF: Do you think he’ll call?
SWF: Why hasn’t he checked his Facebook page today?
Me: Are those zip files ready to go to Eyewonder?
SWF: Do you think it’s because I got really drunk on Saturday night and puked in his hallway?
Me: Has QA signed off on the banners? Make sure I have that on my desk by lunch.
SWF: Why doesn’t he like meeeeeeeeeeeee? Everyone likes meeeeeeee! You like me don’t you?

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4 Responses to “Single White Female At It Again”

  1. mikelite January 28, 2008 at 12:39 pm #

    there’s no easy way around this – you’re going to have to push her in front of the subway.

  2. KansasAddy January 28, 2008 at 6:46 pm #

    Just slip a brand spankin’ new copy of, “He’s Just Not That Into You” on her desk tomorrow morning. Then laugh your ass off when she sees it!

  3. Kyle Rohde January 28, 2008 at 6:47 pm #

    That may have been the funniest entry ever on this blog…and that’s saying something.

  4. Stephie January 30, 2008 at 10:49 am #

    I am both thrilled and appalled by how much I liked this entry. Bravo.

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