The Client Is Going To Kill Me

Client gives me one-of-a-kind-can’t-be-replaced-museum-quality assets to use in a photo shoot for a comp revision which is due on Thursday. I give these to one of my project coordinators to give to the creative team. He leaves a message on the project lead’s phone this morning saying he’s taken a position at another agency and won’t be returning to work. He has all the assets with him and won’t answer his phone. I’ve got a position that I’d like him to take and it includes my fist in his face.

UPDATE: I drove over to the kid’s house and scared the bejesus out of him. I got the stuff back.

No Posts Yesterday Because..

I sprained my ankle trying to pull my foot out of my project manager’s ass. I was damned if I was going to extend the delivery date on a site launch.  Later, while I was comfortably resting with my cocktail of pain relievers, I scanned through my favorite gossip site (dlisted) and couldn’t take my eyes off this bright pink, rotating gif banner for a “Free Paris” t-shirt.  Couldn’t care less about Paris, but this illustrates yet again why those mortgage re-finance ads and pop ups/unders are some of the most successful ads on the net.

         

Top Heavy

And I’m not talkin’ about our project manager’s surgical enhancements. Nearly everyone in our agency is producer or director-level! And it’s not just our agency. Our media managers are even called Brand Reach Directors. Clients have no idea this is all posing – they’re just happy they’re talking with someone “important”. I guarantee you there is an agency out there where everyone is a vice president. It’s just too bad no one here can do any work now.

The new workplace jargon? Baby talk!

Remember the project manager I told you about in “Advertising Project Managers“? The thank you note girl? I don’t talk to her that much and now I know why. She just announced to everyone in hearing distance, “I can’t make the post mortem this afternoon. I have to go pick up my babies at daycare because they close at 5.” Which is fine (except the ‘babies’ thing, which is as bad as calling your 2 year old child 24 months old) – but she said it in baby talk. Maybe I’ll punch her in the head later. Nah…wouldn’t want to mess up her widdle itsy bitsy nosey posey.

My nemesis, Ogilvy, did an enjoyable banner for Yahoo! Music. If you love some good, old fashioned rump-shakin’ like I do, you’re gonna love this. Courtesy of BannerBlog.

Big Breasted Bust

You know you’re SOL when the client starts talking about competing agencies during the pitch. Even our surgically-enhanced project manager (complete with one too many buttons undone and her unmentionables peeking out) couldn’t grab their attention. It all started out so well – the CD brought his uncharged Mac sans power cord, the projector died and the client’s brand police gave us a shakedown. It totally made my day! Our new business manager seems to think we still have a chance. I think when you get hired for that position, HR issues you horse blinders along with your insurance package and laptop. Try making your own horse/co-worker analogies – it’s fun!

Advertising Project Managers

There’s this new project manager on our team (let’s call her Amy) who is either extremely inexperienced or one of the more bizarre people I’ve met in advertising.  We kicked off a project this morning with a new client (not the software folks) and afterwards, along with the notes from the kickoff meeting, I got this via email:

“Dear Alexandra,

Thank you so much for the opportunity to work with you on this upcoming project. I feel that my strengths as a certified project manager will lend themselves to our client. Please do not hesitate to contact me at any time and again, I look forward to collaborating with you on this.

Sincerely,

Amy”

WTF is that?! Is that a thank you letter for a job interview? Did she copy and paste that off of a resume site? So so so so strange.  What makes it even more bizarre is that she sits 4 feet from me.