Single White Female

I got back from my business trip and walked in the back door so I could sneak to my office. Not 2 steps into the building I hear my name yelled and footsteps running toward me – I then get tackled by our operations manager who keeps repeating how much she missed me. She shoves a Sephora bag into my hands with 3 bottles of perfume I’ve been wanting and says she’s so glad I’m back. It’s just then that I notice she’s wearing the same brown dress I bought a few weeks ago.  She says, “Don’t you love it! Now I can look just like you!” and there’s no sarcasm there.  I think my plans have changed to include moving out of the country.

I’m Back With A Vengence

I have a new definition of a relaxing vacation. Pick which one you think it is:

1. Minimum of 100 emails a day, with over half requesting immediate action.
2. 14 phone calls within an hour of checking into your hotel.
3. 84 emails from take off to landing.
4.  Invitation to 6 meetings on the day you return, the first beginning at 8:30am.
5. All of the above.

Of course it’s all of the above. I hate every single person who emailed and called me. I have plans for them which involve rubber gloves and guano.  Tomorrow will be a fun day.

Technical Ineptitude

A national promotions agency wants us to partner with them on some microsites for professional sports teams.  We went to their offices this morning to show off our stuff and it was possibly the most embarrassing presentation of my life.  Our senior managing partner, our new biz manager and I were there, with our senior guy (Jack) doing the talking.  He couldn’t even set up the projector.  It took him 17 minutes (I timed it).  He looked like a total retard. I didn’t help because I’d just have been in the way. Right.  I don’t think we’ll be getting the business.

Jack would never be able to play Guitar Hero.  iFood did this killer expandable/interactive banner for Guitar Hero II – I love the KISS looking guy.  And it loads quickly and actually does something when you interact with it. Novel!

(courtesy of BannerBlog)

I don’t care about your damn car

I love our semi-open work environment, where we can all share ideas and insult each other. But smelly Jeans Guy won’t stop his incessant chatter about his Porsche Cayenne and his wife’s new 5 series BMW. So when he got rear-ended two days ago and and complained all day about the $12k repair costs I laughed in his face. Mean, maybe. Satisfying, definitely. Today he thinks he has whiplash, so I keep calling his name when he’s walking in front of me so he has to turn his head around.

Check out the site for Argentinian artist Ricardo Liniers (below) – Saltamonte did a fantastic job of showcasing his work. He would be fabulous to use on an interactive site – reminds me of high level Adidas microsite illustrations. Turn the light off on the desktop – the little guy has decidedly more neck rotation than Jeans Guy.

Imagine No Possessions

Sorry. I can’t. One of my agency co-workers always plays some John Tesh-type music in her cube. Today she’s strayed a little and she’s playing John Lennon. I just shouted “turn that crap down” and she told me it was “inspirational” and I should listen to the lyrics. Lady, if there was “no need for greed or hunger”, we’d be out on the street and out of a job.

I love the new commercial BBDO New York did for Pepsi. Where do you get a big, purring ball? I want one.

Ask The Tart

In a quandary concerning your lame co-workers, your even lamer creative director, your client or a project you royally screwed up? Or are you the client and need to know why your agency is so unresponsive (I can answer that one now – you’re a needy bitch and they don’t like dealing with you)? Send me an email or leave a comment and I’ll post my insightful and profound answer for all to see.

Top Heavy

And I’m not talkin’ about our project manager’s surgical enhancements. Nearly everyone in our agency is producer or director-level! And it’s not just our agency. Our media managers are even called Brand Reach Directors. Clients have no idea this is all posing – they’re just happy they’re talking with someone “important”. I guarantee you there is an agency out there where everyone is a vice president. It’s just too bad no one here can do any work now.

The new workplace jargon? Baby talk!

Remember the project manager I told you about in “Advertising Project Managers“? The thank you note girl? I don’t talk to her that much and now I know why. She just announced to everyone in hearing distance, “I can’t make the post mortem this afternoon. I have to go pick up my babies at daycare because they close at 5.” Which is fine (except the ‘babies’ thing, which is as bad as calling your 2 year old child 24 months old) – but she said it in baby talk. Maybe I’ll punch her in the head later. Nah…wouldn’t want to mess up her widdle itsy bitsy nosey posey.

My nemesis, Ogilvy, did an enjoyable banner for Yahoo! Music. If you love some good, old fashioned rump-shakin’ like I do, you’re gonna love this. Courtesy of BannerBlog.

Big Breasted Bust

You know you’re SOL when the client starts talking about competing agencies during the pitch. Even our surgically-enhanced project manager (complete with one too many buttons undone and her unmentionables peeking out) couldn’t grab their attention. It all started out so well – the CD brought his uncharged Mac sans power cord, the projector died and the client’s brand police gave us a shakedown. It totally made my day! Our new business manager seems to think we still have a chance. I think when you get hired for that position, HR issues you horse blinders along with your insurance package and laptop. Try making your own horse/co-worker analogies – it’s fun!

Agency Acquisition?

Rumblings around the shop today that we’re being acquired by a bigger and better agency. And then I happened to be picking something off the copier and out comes confirmation! It was an email our CEO was printing out, which I stealthily read, that was apologizing to a friend for being “out of pocket” (blecch – corporate speak already) because getting our agency’s ducks in a row for the acquisition was taking up a lot of his time. I, for one, can’t wait to see who’s acquiring us! Keep you posted. In the meantime, check out this rich media banner (kiss, below) you can interact with, advertising Rimmel lip-plumping lip gloss, from PointRoll‘s site. And I like the lipstick blot – reminds me of Britney Spears new wrist tattoo. Eewww. Why do I know that?

Saatchi’s T Mobile Web-n-Walk Banner

I’m on a banner ad kick lately (possibly because we’re doing some expandables for a big client right now). Saatchi & Saatchi’s Denmark shop put together this nice one for T Mobile – not exactly product-knowledge stuff, but definitely eye-catching if you stick around the page long enough to see the whole ad. Courtesy of Banner Blog.

On a side note, I sold $290k worth of jobs in the past 6 days. Not that much, but our New Business Director wants me to give him the SOWs so he can get commission on them. Is that fair? I’ve been 100% responsible for the clients, from initial sale on, so I’m a little protective, I guess, of who gets credit. I need to get over it – karma, etc.

Advertising Project Managers

There’s this new project manager on our team (let’s call her Amy) who is either extremely inexperienced or one of the more bizarre people I’ve met in advertising.  We kicked off a project this morning with a new client (not the software folks) and afterwards, along with the notes from the kickoff meeting, I got this via email:

“Dear Alexandra,

Thank you so much for the opportunity to work with you on this upcoming project. I feel that my strengths as a certified project manager will lend themselves to our client. Please do not hesitate to contact me at any time and again, I look forward to collaborating with you on this.

Sincerely,

Amy”

WTF is that?! Is that a thank you letter for a job interview? Did she copy and paste that off of a resume site? So so so so strange.  What makes it even more bizarre is that she sits 4 feet from me.