Agency Tart

Leveraging Ad Agency Life

Resolutions: One Week In January 6, 2008

Filed under: Coworkers, GSD&M, Microsite, advertising, agencies, clients — Agency Tart @ 10:40 pm

Been pretty good with my resolutions so far. Especially the one which I resolved to never (well..almost never) drunk text. I was getting the feeling my texts were beginning to sound like what I imagine Britney’s do. So one week, no drunk texts. The secret? Leaving my blackberry in my car when I go out. Works like a charm although I have serious withdrawals from it for the first half hour.

This guy obviously did not make the same resolution as me. I used to work with him a few years ago on client side. I was passing by his office 2 weeks ago (my former company is my client, natch), said hello, gave him my card. Late Saturday night I get this Blackberry:

“Just dropping a note to say hello. And we should grab lunch or a bev sometime. Look to see what is outside this place. I is getting a little old. I am in chicago next week so maybe the next week we can work out something. Take care. M”

Nice guy, but I can just see him hunched over his bar stool at Chili’s drunkenly texting me while eating one of those greasy onion thingys. Ewww. I’ll help the guy out though. You know, Chili’s is the new golf course.

Chilis

On a side note to Chili’s: Maybe you should seriously consider going back to GSD&M. In my opinion, Hill Holiday’s not cutting it just based on the superficial tour I took of your sites. The Honey Chipotle video….not necessary. In fact, scary. You can’t just throw a 30 second commercial into your site and expect that to automatically make it cool and engage customers. But you did - and how’s that working out for you?

 

We’re Gonna Have To Re-Shoot January 4, 2008

Filed under: clients — Agency Tart @ 5:02 pm

Client doesn’t show up for a shoot for their site. Doesn’t have time to look at the raw footage on client review. Sees work in progress site today with embedded video.

Client: I don’t like that her shirt is green.
Client: Why is there a red bowl on the coffee table?
Client: What is that log doing in the fireplace?
Client: Can you airbrush that out?
Me: We can do a lot of things in post, but it will be additional editing hours that are out of scope.
Client: Can’t you just do that in Photoshop?
Me: We can re-shoot the whole thing if you want.
Client: Can we do that on Monday?
Me: No.
Client: I still want the site to go live next Wednesday.

The Scream
 

More Clients Like This, Please December 13, 2007

Filed under: clients — Agency Tart @ 1:18 pm

Jezebel revealed today what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson at the end of Lost In Translation.

See the quote here (I removed it since I got a whole slew of pissy emails that I posted the quote earlier - blow me).

This is almost as profound as an email I got from a client this morning:

Freak - Tell your idiots in accounting I’ve got to have my last invoice ASAP so I can get it paid before I leave on vacation to someplace you’ll never be able to afford with my ultra-beautiful trophy wife. Later.”

(via Fark)

 

 

 

Clients Can Sometimes Be Funny. Sometimes. December 11, 2007

Filed under: clients — Agency Tart @ 10:42 am

Email string this morning between one of my account managers, Ashley, and a client, Troy. Start at the bottom.

From: Troy
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 10:19 AM
To: AT
Cc: Ashley
Subject: Photo Replacements

AT,
Maybe you’re not as retarded as first suspected. I just assumed you were because of the drooling and the ease at which you’re distracted by shiny things. My bad. - Troy


From: AT
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 10:16 AM
To: Troy;Ashley
Subject: Photo Replacements

Uhhh…Troy? CC’d on this…jeez.

AT

From: Troy
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 10:13 AM
To: Ashley
Cc: AT
Subject: Photo Replacements

Way to go Ashley. You are far more effective than that annoying AT person who purports to be your boss. I think she may have a mental disorder.

 


From: Ashley
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 10:12 AM
To: Troy
Cc: AT
Subject: Photo Replacements

Troy,

We received your photos and suggested placement for the site update. Once we have completed all the replacements and Flash updates we will send a link to you.

Ashley

 

I’ve Got Nothing December 11, 2007

Filed under: clients, creative — Agency Tart @ 10:23 am

I think I’ve lost the creative juice this week. Maybe it’s because I haven’t drank enough. In fact, I’m positive that’s it. Take a look at this annual report that a Croatian agency (Bruketa & Zinić) did for one of their clients who’s a food company. The client has to open it and bake it in the oven for the temperature sensitive ink to show up. This would never even enter my mind. Which is why I’m client-side and not creative.

Well Done

Well Done2

 (via advertising/design goodness)

 

Go Ahead Then, Be That Way December 11, 2007

Filed under: clients, copywriting, scriptwriting — Agency Tart @ 9:17 am

Our shop’s doing one of those boooorrrringggg video-host microsites for a big client of ours. The contact for this project calls me yesterday evening after the second round of script revisions. Keep in mind that this is an award-winning, respected scriptwriter that has written 90% of the other projects we’ve done for them.

Client:You’re still way off the mark with the script. I don’t think you understand what the product really is.
Me: It’s a glorified super ball. I think we’ve got it. We’ve also done over a month of research into the product and extensive demographic profiling.
Client: Do you understand it bounces higher than the competition? I don’t think you do.
Me: Yes. It’s the bounciest ball in the world. It can out-bounce even the best super balls. Plus, it glows in the dark. Who knew?
Client: I think I’m just going to re-write the script myself. I think I have more insight into my own product than a scriptwriter.
Me: Have you ever written for talent before?
Client: No, but how hard can it be? I’ll have it to you in a week.
Me: The shoot is on Monday. I recommend you let us take another crack at it.
Client: I don’t think so. I’ll have it to you next week.

 

If I Think About It Too Much, I’ll Vomit December 6, 2007

Filed under: Creatives, clients — Agency Tart @ 8:32 am

Went out with some clients last night and when we got in my car at the end of the night, this exchange occurred:

Jennifer: Your creative director is a hottie.
Me: What?
Jennifer: Yeah, if I wasn’t married and he wasn’t married, I’d be all about that.
Anna: He is really cute.
Me: {snort} Please. He looks like a character from Avenue Q. Plus, he’s an egotistical asshole.
Anna: Uh…he’s just like you.
Me: So I’m an asshole?

 

We All Feel Like This Sometimes December 4, 2007

Filed under: clients — Agency Tart @ 10:37 am

Why Advertising Sucks has the funniest rant about a client I’ve read in a long time. I snorted cereal out my nose when I read it. And it was frosted mini wheats, so it was painful. Here’s a snippet, but go read the whole thing here.

“I will gladly retire and go wipe Paris Hilton’s ass with no gloves whatsoever, while you design all the bullshit you want on your own. It’s easy! Just crank open Microsoft Word and get cracking, you “Ogilvish” talented client. That way, you can put the logo as biiiiiiig as your ballsack, fill the ads with bursts and extremely large headers! What do you think? You can also put all the damn colors you want, so that people SURE take notice of that Romper-Room ad. OH! That way, if you make a typo… well, it’s just a mistake, right? You’re human. Nah… don’t worry. I know if I do it, I’m the asshole who didn’t do her job right.

The balls on some people are priceless. Sometimes I think that advertising doesn’t suck. It’s just clients.”

 

Busy At The Shop Today December 3, 2007

Filed under: clients, presentation — Agency Tart @ 6:24 pm

Sorry for the lack of posts today. I cannot get out from under the 3 client presentations due tomorrow. Help!

 

Jeez. You Have To Use All Caps? November 28, 2007

Filed under: advertising, agency, clients — Agency Tart @ 5:50 pm

Email from one of my account managers:

“THIS MEETING IS AT 11:30 TOMORROW AND I NEED YOU THERE.  This client DOES NOT like me.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP IF I NEED TO RESCHEDULE!!!

 THANKS-”

Great. Client does not like the account manager. Awesome.

 

Tart Tolerance November 23, 2007

Filed under: Rich Media, alcohol, clients, holiday, online video — Agency Tart @ 12:50 pm

It’s that time of year when client-facing people like me have to take all their accounts out for holiday cheer. I cut back a little on my drinking recently, to detox before the onslaught. I thought I’d lost my tolerance. But after taking clients out on Monday afternoon and drinking very heavily (and by that I mean 10 hours of liquored-up goodness), I think I still have the goods. Bring it on. I’m ready.

This site for Wyborowa vodka by W+K Amsterdam is fabulous. Perfectly executed. Superb video work. Makes me thirsty. I think I’ll drink that bottle of ultra-premium vodka I just bought for a client instead of giving it to him. I’ll get him something else..like a desktop clock..something he can use.

Wodka

(via The FWA)

 

Cry Me A River November 19, 2007

Filed under: clients, holiday — Agency Tart @ 6:56 pm

I get this email below from one of my favorite clients regarding an approval meeting I had scheduled tomorrow:

“Can we reschedule for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving? My boyfriend just surprised me with a trip to Anguilla. I’m so excited, I’ll be sure to bring you pictures.”

Anguilla? Anguilla? Fuck you. I hate you and your boyfriend. But can I come, too?